The problems I tend to have in my life are small potatoes compared to those that some face in theirs. Still though, the back to back blow that was dealt to me this week was tough to handle. If I ever felt like I deserved a pity party this was it.
The bulk of the bad news happened over the weekend before Thanksgiving. First, things weren't going so well with Cory and I had just made the decision to give him back that Friday. He was showing lots of aggression towards Millie. He growls at her a lot, and have snapped at her a few times. She was so uncomfortable around him that she wouldn't go in the same room with him most times. He also caused an incident at a dog park the first time I took him. Still, I knew he had been going through a lot of hard times and I wanted to give him a chance. I thought things were actually improving between him and Millie since they play together sometime. He was also a really sweet dog when other dogs weren't involved. Unlike Millie who is spoiled, he appreciates his toys, beds, and getting petted. Couple times he just snuggled up next to me and put his head on my lap or shoulder. He's house trained and fairly well-behaved too. Towards end of that second week I thought I'd be able to keep him, but then he bit a six months old puppy at the dog park :( In the first incident I had not seen what the other dog did so I gave Cory the benefit of the doubt, but in this case, the puppy only wanted to play. It was at this point I finally resolved to return him, as heart breaking as it was for me. I called the coordinator for owner give backs at the rescue group that I got him from. That night, I was closely observing Millie and Cory play. They seemed to be doing ok but out of the blue he went after Millie. As I tried to stop him he bit me by accident - though I'm sure he meant to bite Millie. Millie just cried and scampered off, too afraid to fight back. That night I dropped him off at a friend's house for the week. The rescue group was slow to get back to me, and my friends kept telling me horror stories about how dogs with behavioral problems get put to death. My friend also has a dog too, but their lab is bigger than Cory. Again at their house, Cory growls, but my friend's dog is having none of it so he barks at Cory. There was lots of barking and going on which was stressful to listen. Somehow my friend thinks they just need to get used to each other. I don't know... but I just wanted Cory to go to a home without a dog. At this point though, I just trusted my friend who was going to be home this coming week and was willing to work with him. Leaving Cory behind was hard, and I knew he had to go back and be placed in another home.
The next bad news came from my mom who called to tell me that my uncle in Japan had passed away. While I was not very close to him, but mom was quite upset over it. What bothered me most was that I chose not be there for my mom. I felt as though I don't spend enough time with her already, and even at this moment when she probably needs company, I am not making the effort to be with her. She did not ask me to come, but I felt like I should be there. Still, a flight to Japan is nearly $2000, and I knew it would be a pretty miserable trip given the circumstances I'd be going under. Plus, I was planning to see my brothers and Dad during Thanksgiving. I was so guilt ridden over this though, and felt that I was being a horrible daughter. While my mind was half made-up, I was still debating what to do when the next blow came.
Although the divorce isn't final, Brad met someone at work a while back and is in a serious relationship with this new woman. This doesn't bother me, and to the contrary I am glad he is with someone that makes him happy as I had been the one pushing for a divorce for the longest time. In my case though, I had no luck just meeting someone out of the blue and had been too busy getting settled into work and my new home to even think about dating. Now that things have settled down a bit in those areas though, I decided to give dating a try. I went on a few dates with two guys recently. One guy, while he was sexy and hot, turned out to be far too right-winged. The other guy, on the other hand, I really liked. I'm not entirely sure why, since there were red-flags from the beginning. He told me himself that he was a workaholic and isn't good with relationships. He'd cancel dates and not communicate well between them. When we were together though and did talk, he just seemed really nice, polite, and into me. The chemistry was great. It felt right. I also liked that he was a hard worker, although it came at a cost. The truth is that other things in his life came first - like his work and family. While these priorities are understandable at this stage, when you work 70+ hours a week it doesn't leave much room for anything else... including me. When he acknowledged that he was struggling to commit to being there for me more, when I already felt like I hardly saw him, I realized how low I was in his priorities.
My heart was already aching over Cory and mom, and when I realized things were pretty much over with this guy, I became quite depressed. I somehow made it through work on Monday, but if I had easy access to the happy pill or weed, I may have tried it. I was somewhat on the mend Tuesday and was very much looking forward to getting out of town the next day for Thanksgiving. The plan was to go to Nathan's in SC where Jason, the kids, and Dad would join us. I always have a good time with my family so I knew I was on the home stretch to getting better. I just needed to get there. Well, just when I thought things can't get much worse, I get sick on Tuesday night and bad weather is expected on Wednesday that could affect my drive down.
I was still mobile on Wednesday morning so I got up at 0500 and was packed and out of the door by 0700. Given that snow was expected on I-81, I chose to take I-95 to I-85 for a change. Well, as always on I-95, there's traffic. Supposedly from an accident on I-95. Once past the accident it was smooth sailing for a while although there was lots of heavy rain and a bit of snow in NC. I hit traffic once again near Charlotte though, and by now I've developed a full blown cold or something. I felt like absolute shit. I didn't know how much longer I'd be able to drive and here I was stuck in traffic. Fortunately I pulled through and made it to Nathan's. Overall it was only about an hour's worth of traffic altogether. Only.
Once at Nathan's though, I was pretty dead. I slept most of that night and right through Thanksgiving. I woke up to eat 3 meals a day for my health, but I don't remember doing much else. Oh, I remember trying to keep Millie from eating everyone's food and chasing my 3 year old nephew around. That's about it. I brought board games for us to all play but I couldn't even stay awake for that. I'm not sure if it was the flu but it sucked. I couldn't even walk Millie and had to get someone else to take her. So much for a nice Thanksgiving to make up for the crappy weekend. Still, I suppose I am glad I was able to make it down there. Being sick down there among family was much better than being sick at home alone. My sister-in-law is a trooper too and managed the whole Thanksgiving meal herself, with a bit of help from my nieces. So I'm definitely thankful for her, or we'd have no Thanksgiving dinner. (The guys are useless.)
Friday was a wash too since I was still too sick to do much. I slept most of the day again and didn't partake in any black-Friday shopping. After 3 days of sleeping, it seemed only right that I was well enough to drive back today - with no traffic luckily. So I'm home. Unpacked, showered, and relaxing. Cory, Mom, and the guy are still on my mind at times, but I'm doing much better now. At least while I was sick I was too sick to even be depressed. Tomorrow is a new week, and even a new month at that. I hope this streak of bad luck is over with and some good things will come my way.
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